Seminar Principle #3: The Gardening Principle

“All relationships need cultivation.”  I think we can all agree with this quote from John C. Maxwell's book Winning with People.  Another wise quote from Mr. Maxwell states, “It is more rewarding to resolve a situation then to dissolve a relationship.”  At our recent seminar, Gary Johnson had the members of each doctor's office break into groups and answer this question, “What things can cause a relationship to deteriorate? “ Some of the answers we came up with are --

• Apathy


• Lack of effort


• Taking the other person for granted


• Unresolved conflict


• Stop listening/Stop asking

If we know what can deteriorate a relationship, then the next question we must ask ourselves is, “What does it mean to cultivate a relationship?”  John C. Maxwell gives us six things to focus on.

1. Commitment


2. Communication


3. Friendship


4. Memories


5. Growth


6. Spoiling Each Other

Voltaire noted,“If the first law of friendship is that it has to be cultivated, the second law is to be indulgent when the first law has been neglected.

What a rich lesson.  I plan on practicing the gardening principle.  How about you?

Seminar Principle #2: Remember, Hurting People Hurt People

In John C. Maxwell's book Winning with People, he introduces an idea he calls “The Pain Principle.” Maxwell teaches that whenever someone does something hurtful to you or those around you, you need to “look beyond the Person for the Problem.” Instead of reacting with anger or frustration, react with compassion. Look for the source of his or her pain to find a connection between the two of you. As you interact with others, remember this:  anytime a person's response to an issue is larger than the issue at hand, that response is almost always triggered by something other than the issue itself.

In Mark Goulston's book Just Listen, he gives 6 steps to Dealing with Hurting People.

1. Attach an emotion to what you think the other person is feeling.


2. Say, “I am trying to get a sense of what you are feeling and I think it is _________. Is this correct?” If it is not , then ask, “What are you feeling?”


3. Then say, “How frustrated (angry, upset, etc.) are you?” Count at least to 20 to give the person time to respond.  Be prepared for a torrent of emotions.


4. “And the reason you get so frustrated is because….?”


5. Then say, “Tell me what needs to happen for that feeling to feel better?”


6. Next say, “What part can I play in making that happen?”

I hope you are enjoying the excerpts from our recent seminar “How to Communicate and Connect with Your Staff and Patients.” In my next blog post, I will share with you Principle #3: “The Gardening Principle: All Relationships Need Cultivation.”

Connectivity

The #1 principle of connectivity that Gary Johnson discussed in the recent seminar is “We Must First Understand Before We Try to Be Understood.”  This principle certainly rang true with me and my staff.  How many times have you been having a conversation with someone only to find your mind wandering while he or she is speaking? When he or she finishes talking, you then find yourself thinking, “What did he just say?”  If we are honest with ourselves, we all have had this happen.  Listening is a challenging skill.  It requires considerable effort and focus.  Gary asked each office this question, “What things do great listeners do?”  Some of the ideas we came up with were:  to establish eye contact, to let the other person know you are listening by a nod, to repeat back what they said, and to let them know you care.  Two key points that really hit home with me are “Listen to Understand Not to Respond” and “It is more important to be interested than interesting.” What a challenging seminar!  In my next blog I will talk about Principle #2: “Remember, Hurting People Hurt People.”  

Seminar on Connectivity

My staff and I had the pleasure of hosting the renowned motivational speaker, Gary Johnson, for a third seminar held Friday, January 20, 2011.  This seminar was all about “How to Communicate and Connect with Your Staff and Patient: The Three Key Principles to Connectivity.”  Gary's session on Friday was based on concepts from two great books:  Just Listen by Dr. Mark Goultson and Winning with People by John C. Maxwell.  Dr. Goulston is a highly respected expert on connectivity.  He trains all types of companies, including FBI hostage negotiators.  Mr. Maxwell is an acclaimed author and leadership expert.

Each dental office that attended our seminar was given the book Winning with People.  My staff and I are currently reading Maxwell's book and will pick up Just Listen next. Throughout the next couple of weeks, I will be sharing with you excerpts from our seminar.  I hope you will find them helpful in building and growing your own relationships.

Creating Beautiful Art

I have the most creative patients.  Julie Johnson  and Mary Husmann made me these  awesome pictures, and I wanted to share them with you. I'm so fortunate to Create Beautiful Smiles for this area's most creative people!